I liked your article, but I'm struggling with something more basic.
A lot of habit advice seems aimed at people who can stay consistent for weeks and then fall off. My problem is that I often can't stay consistent for more than 1–2 days before shame, depression or emotional overwhelm completely derails me.
When someone repeatedly fails before a habit even has time to become automatic, what's the right strategy?
Is the answer to lower the minimum viable dose even further, or is there a point where the issue isn't habit design anymore but something deeper?
How would you approach consistency for someone whose biggest obstacle is emotional dysregulation rather than lack of motivation?
I think this applies to so so many of us. It's easy to have a lot of intensity for a short period of time, but the long haul seems impossible if you look at it all at once. I often think of the Al Pacino quote from Any Given Sunday - "the inches we need are everywhere". We just have to teach ourselves to recognize the inches as success and not small potatoes.
This hit home. I’ve definitely been the ‘all-in for a week, then disappear for a month’ person more times than I’d like to admit.
What finally clicked for me was exactly what you’re describing—the floor. Once I gave myself permission to do the smallest possible version, I stopped breaking the chain.
One thing I'd add from my own experience, the hardest part isn't starting the habit, and it's not even the valley of despair. It's rebuilding after you break the chain. That guilt of "I've ruined it" is what keeps people from restarting.
Really valuable read. The kind that doesn't just make you nod but actually makes you think about what you're doing tomorrow morning.
You are right. About a lot. Good advices too. If a person chooses to do a specific thing, and persists in a goal no matter what, eventually the Generative forces of Law say you earned it. But you'll first be humiliated and brought low.
I am quite guilty of crafting an intense plan that is impossible to stay consistent. Later I have to scale back to reality. Yet for me this isn’t a bad thing. If I start small I get bored and quit, but if I start big and then readjust and scale back I’ve made improvements and that feeling of making improvements keeps me motivated.
True facts. You get quite a few writers who just bang out a single lone colossal magnum opus and nothing else ... and then complain about feeling like they're shouting into the void and argh they're abandoned. But a constant cascade of smaller posts? Each induces a teeny-tiny accretion of attention and retention and buzz and it adds up fast.
Such sound Advice! I heard also that when you’re trying to incorporate a new habit into a routine, sometimes remembering to do it at the beginning can be a hindrance. So, it’s advised to “piggyback” it with another habit that you have “down” . So, both go hand in hand and the old one sparks the connection to the other “new” activity! Just a suggestion! A great read though, so thank you
Hey Tobias,
I liked your article, but I'm struggling with something more basic.
A lot of habit advice seems aimed at people who can stay consistent for weeks and then fall off. My problem is that I often can't stay consistent for more than 1–2 days before shame, depression or emotional overwhelm completely derails me.
When someone repeatedly fails before a habit even has time to become automatic, what's the right strategy?
Is the answer to lower the minimum viable dose even further, or is there a point where the issue isn't habit design anymore but something deeper?
How would you approach consistency for someone whose biggest obstacle is emotional dysregulation rather than lack of motivation?
Curious what you think.
I think this applies to so so many of us. It's easy to have a lot of intensity for a short period of time, but the long haul seems impossible if you look at it all at once. I often think of the Al Pacino quote from Any Given Sunday - "the inches we need are everywhere". We just have to teach ourselves to recognize the inches as success and not small potatoes.
This hit home. I’ve definitely been the ‘all-in for a week, then disappear for a month’ person more times than I’d like to admit.
What finally clicked for me was exactly what you’re describing—the floor. Once I gave myself permission to do the smallest possible version, I stopped breaking the chain.
One thing I'd add from my own experience, the hardest part isn't starting the habit, and it's not even the valley of despair. It's rebuilding after you break the chain. That guilt of "I've ruined it" is what keeps people from restarting.
Really valuable read. The kind that doesn't just make you nod but actually makes you think about what you're doing tomorrow morning.
yes! love that advice
You are right. About a lot. Good advices too. If a person chooses to do a specific thing, and persists in a goal no matter what, eventually the Generative forces of Law say you earned it. But you'll first be humiliated and brought low.
I am quite guilty of crafting an intense plan that is impossible to stay consistent. Later I have to scale back to reality. Yet for me this isn’t a bad thing. If I start small I get bored and quit, but if I start big and then readjust and scale back I’ve made improvements and that feeling of making improvements keeps me motivated.
One hack I find works for me is to truly want to do the things you say you want to do.
Not the mimetic desire you pick up from social media, but those ones you quit and keep coming back to.
I am extremely consistent at those and nothing else.
True facts. You get quite a few writers who just bang out a single lone colossal magnum opus and nothing else ... and then complain about feeling like they're shouting into the void and argh they're abandoned. But a constant cascade of smaller posts? Each induces a teeny-tiny accretion of attention and retention and buzz and it adds up fast.
I'd agree consistency, as well as stubbornness and belief in one-self. Despite whatever obstacle, big or small... keep going.
Such sound Advice! I heard also that when you’re trying to incorporate a new habit into a routine, sometimes remembering to do it at the beginning can be a hindrance. So, it’s advised to “piggyback” it with another habit that you have “down” . So, both go hand in hand and the old one sparks the connection to the other “new” activity! Just a suggestion! A great read though, so thank you